As I neared college graduation earlier this year, I found myself in a state of constant restlessness and uncertainty. I had no idea what the next chapter in my life held. This, combined with the devastation of multiple recent family tragedies, was a heavy cross for me to bear…
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Published July 12, 2022, The Young Catholic Woman
By Jean Mondoro
“Love and sacrifice are closely linked, like the sun and the light. We cannot love without suffering and we cannot suffer without love.”
—Saint Gianna Beretta Molla
We’ve all seen that family from our parish who’s always on time and dressed nicely for Mass; the kids are involved in youth ministry, or their Catholic homeschool group; the parents are always on the same page; they are a close-knit family that follows the Lord. Everyone seems to hold them up as an inspiration. That was once my family. Then I realized that every family, no matter how perfect they appear to be, even my own, has problems.
My family had always encountered difficulties and I never understood why people praised us so highly over our apparent goodness. We had plenty of arguments and hard times. But we always stuck together, and we all remained faithful to God. I knew I was blessed to have happily married parents and be close to all seven of my siblings. But whenever I encountered a family who struggled to remain close to each other, I always thought “that could never happen to us”. And then it did.
My siblings and I started growing up, and natural tensions between parents and children arose. We were going off to college and starting to be more independent. I didn’t think much of it. I just figured that was part of life. Then one of my siblings all but walked out of my family’s life. Everything I had ever known about home and family was shattered by the realization that my family would never be the same again.
It’s like the death of a loved one, but worse. Instead of being torn away by uncontrollable circumstances, this dear sibling has chosen to leave. And it hurts more than I could have ever imagined.
My experience with this painful family separation has led me to realize a few things which I hope will help others suffering from division in their families.
When bad things happen, we tend to reflect one negative situation on every part of our lives, thus coloring life in general to be in a cloud of darkness. But during hard times, it is critical that we separate the good from the bad. Not every hard thing in life is caused by a single occurrence. For example, when my brother separated himself from our family, I caught myself blaming that situation for everything that was tough after that—some of it is certainly directly related, but it isn’t helpful to indulge in those emotions. Instead, take time daily to reflect upon the good things in life. Thank God every night for the blessings of the day. Acknowledge the pain and how life is incredibly hard because of the traumatic division you are experiencing, but also remember that there is still beauty in the world, even though it may be harder to see right now.
When one member of a family is missing, the gap is as wide as a canyon and as deep as an ocean. It can be tempting to focus only on who is missing rather than who is still with you. This is hard because you don’t want to forget about the missing person. But there is a healthier way to remember him/her. Laughing and crying about the past can be extremely therapeutic. Think of it as keeping alive the memories of a loved one who has died. That’s part of the grieving process. The danger lies in getting caught up with the one who is gone. Instead of dwelling on the empty chair at the dinner table, be intentionally present with the people who are sitting there. All of you are suffering. Being there for each other is the best medicine. Additionally, it helps to make new memories with each other. If all you have are family memories when everyone was home, it can be very hard to do other things with people missing. But your family will need to move forward, even though that will be quite painful. Find something fun to do together, whether that’s going on a road trip or having a movie night at home. It will help to distract you from the pain and help you learn to live without the missing loved one.
This last piece of advice is one that I cannot stress enough. Prayer. Praying for your loved one who is gone may be the only way that you can show love to that person (depending on how much communication or interaction you may have with him/her). It will help you to keep a charitable mindset as well as benefit your loved one’s soul. God works miracles every day. You may not see them in your time, but He never wastes a prayer. Choose a specific prayer that you can offer every day for your distant loved one. Commit to that, and never stray from that commitment. Also remember to pray for your family (St. Joseph is a great patron!) that all of you will grow closer to God from the cross that you are all carrying.
If you are in a position where someone in your family has walked away from your family for whatever reason, please know that you are not alone. We have this fantasy in our minds that every family we see at Mass is exactly like the Holy Family. But family problems are more common than not. Divided families are, sadly, becoming more and more normalized. But take heart in the fact that these crosses are opportunities to love each other as Christ loves us—even our enemies. It is a true test of our faith in God and our perseverance in living according to the faith we profess as Catholics.
The path to Heaven is paved with love. And suffering is the way by which we learn to imitate the love of Jesus.
Published May 26, 2021, Joy In Truth
God’s timing and His plan for our lives can present us with a real challenge to our faith and trust in Him. To allow His plan to unfold in His time goes against our very human desire to take control.
By Jean Mondoro
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
This has been one of my favorite Bible verses for a long time, but it was only recently that I was struck by a new reflection. It’s one thing to be able to surrender to God’s plan for our lives, but the other half of that is to trust that His plan will unfold in His time, not ours.
When I am stuck in a difficult situation, I want to do something about it. I can’t stand to just sit around and wait if there is something I can be doing to make it better. This is a common reaction, I think, among us as human beings. It’s hard to be patient. And it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that there is nothing to do about it. But this is an idea put into our heads by the devil because he knows very well that there is always one thing to do: pray.
Now I know that may sound cliche, but it’s true. In any situation, you can always pray. You may not be able to do anything else, but prayer is an act of entrusting your difficulty to God and allowing Him to act in His time. However, there is usually something else for you to be doing in addition to prayer. Even if you can’t do anything about a particular struggle or situation, God always give us opportunities to serve others and improve in our own life of virtue.
A good habit to get into, and one that I am trying to build myself, is to look for every single opportunity to show God’s love to another person. This can be as simple as greeting everyone you meet with a word or a smile, helping out a little more around the house, thanking a teacher, or playing with a sibling. You could also find some charities to which you could donate your time or resources. There are always ways to serve God and love our neighbors, which is what we are called to do every single day of our lives. It’s a wonder we ever feel like we have nothing to do!
Another valuable use of time is to look for ways to improve your own interior spiritual life. In what virtues can you be growing during your trials? In relation to God’s timing, I would say that the need for patience is pretty common, as well as perseverance and joy in suffering. Think of how your virtues are being challenged and then focus on strengthening those specific areas.
There is no debate that it’s incredibly difficult to wait for God’s plans to play out in His time. But instead of letting this struggle be a source of discouragement, we can look at it as an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. Even Jesus waited for His Father’s will to take place in His time. He can help us be patient and at peace with each moment as it comes to us.
Published fall 2021, Prince William County Catholic Magazine
by Jean Mondoro
Among the mysteries of the Rosary, probably the least familiar are the Luminous Mysteries, also called the Mysteries of Light. These were instituted by Pope Saint John Paul II in 2002, encouraging us to reflect upon the public life of Christ. He identified 5 critical points in Jesus’ public ministry: 1) The Baptism of Our Lord; 2) The Wedding at Cana; 3) The Proclamation of the Kingdom; 4) The Transfiguration; and 5) The Institution of the Eucharist.
Regarding meditation upon these specific mysteries, I have found that these five are often the most difficult. But it is important not to overthink the idea of meditation. Simply recall what is happening in the story, then allow yourself to hear and see whatever God wants you to. The biggest thing is to avoid actively thinking of other things. By keeping your mind as clear and focused as you can, this will open the door to the Holy Spirit, who will touch your heart, even if you don’t notice right away.
I’ll go through some of my own reflections, which I hope will spark some of your own thoughts. And remember to always keep your heart open, because the Holy Spirit truly does put thoughts and reflections into your mind which is one way that God speaks to us. It is also a good practice to say a quick prayer asking the Holy Spirit to touch your heart with whatever God wants you to hear. So, let us quiet our minds for prayer and start at the beginning.
The Baptism of Our Lord is the first Luminous Mystery and the start to His public ministry. So, how do we reflect on this event in the life of Christ? I like to focus on considering how these events prove God’s love for me. It’s almost like I believe in His love because that’s what my Catholic faith is all about. But it is so important to look at what He did, not just what He said, because it’s just more evidence that He loves me.
The first thing Jesus did in this mystery was simply receive the sacrament. Baptism is the beautiful sacrament in which we are forgiven from original sin, and it is so important that Jesus Himself received it. Think about that for a second. Jesus was fully God, so He didn’t need to be baptized. But He was also fully man, and so He chose to be baptized. This is a tremendous example of the importance of this sacrament. Going along with this is the concept of leading by example. Jesus did this better than anyone. He knew the vital importance of the sacrament of baptism, and the most effective way that He could teach this was by receiving it–or doing it– Himself.
There is a very specific virtue which shines forth in this mystery, and in Christ’s actions, and that virtue is humility. Jesus is showing true humility when He, the Savior of the world, chooses to receive this great sacrament from a human being. He did not put Himself above all of us, even though there is no denying He is, being fully divine. What Jesus did was humble Himself to receive the sacrament of baptism as we receive it: from another human being, allowing God to work through this person and thus sharing in our humanity, which is what He did when He came to earth in the humble and dependent form of a baby.
Now that we have considered the actions and virtues of Jesus in this mystery, how can we apply these lessons to our own lives? How beautiful it is to think about our own baptism, when we came into God’s family without original sin! For most of us, this decision was made by our parents, and we were baptized as infants. They started us along the path to holiness by taking this first step. And for those of us who were baptized later in life, it is the day that you chose to enter into God’s family. Whenever we receive this sacrament it is important that we are forever grateful for that day and the graces which came with it. Similarly, John the Baptist and Jesus were both thankful for the gift of the day of the Lord’s baptism. Their gratitude shows us how we should also praise God for our parents, godparents and everyone else who guided us to our baptism days.
In reflecting upon the Baptism of Our Lord, the first Luminous Mystery, we can see three beautiful examples which we can imitate in our own faith journeys. Jesus not only said that He loved us, but showed us His love through His actions. He also exemplified true humility by receiving the sacrament in the same way that we receive it as human beings. And lastly, we see in both Christ and John the Baptist the gratitude we must feel for the gift of forgiveness from original sin.
May we always see the baptism of our Lord as a reminder of the hope we have if we remain in God’s family from the day we enter into it with forgiveness of original sin until the day we are called home.
Published fall 2021, Prince William County Catholic Magazine
by Jean Mondoro
The Rosary is one of the most famous and powerful Catholic prayers. Our Lady’s intercession is a precious gift which we often do not utilize in the way that she longs for us to. Many of us have heard the Rosary praised as a miraculous answer to prayers as well as a way to authentically deepen one’s faith. But if you’re anything like me, you don’t see those miracles taking place, and you rarely feel that strong connection to Jesus. While it is undoubtedly a special and beautiful prayer, I would also make the argument that the Rosary is one of the most difficult prayers you will ever pray as a Catholic. Why is this the case?
For me, I know that the term “meditate” can be a vague description of what we are supposed to be doing when praying the Rosary. It’s deeper than passively recalling what is taking place in the story, but it doesn’t mean you have to go out on a mountain for hours to do it effectively. I’m sure others have also wondered what people mean when they say to “meditate on the life of Christ while praying the Rosary.” I’ve spent a lot of time trying to explain this concept. Once my youngest sister asked me what it meant and I couldn’t really tell her. After many years of rarely praying the Rosary and hardly ever feeling like I had prayed it well, I believe I have come up with an approach which helps me understand what I’m doing as well as truly draw closer to God by means of this challenging prayer.
First, I try to make the commitment to pray the Rosary even when I don’t feel uplifted by it. Prayer needs discipline before it bears fruit. It’s hard to pray! But here’s the good news: God knows that, and He sees when we choose to pray even when it can be so hard to do and He does not forget that. Then one day we look back and realize that we grew during that time of spiritual dryness. There is something different about our prayer life, be it increased patience or more time spent talking and listening with God. In my experience, I rarely see the fruit of this cross until quite some time later, and then I often receive a nudge from heaven gently showing me how I’ve grown closer to God and whatever I was struggling with isn’t as hard as it used to be.
Second, after being disciplined about praying the Rosary, I look at the events in our Lord’s life and try to find ways to make them relevant in my own life. For example, I’ll reflect upon how Jesus wept alone in the Garden before His passion, and I realize that He truly does understand our human nature. Or I think of Mary visiting Elizabeth and consider how I can be more hospitable to my neighbors. This takes practice, though, so don’t expect to get the hang of it right away. It will vary for each person and how individual personalities adapt to this form of prayer, also known as meditation.
Given these general starting points for how I personally try to pray the Rosary, I would like to go into further detail by reflecting on each mystery of the Rosary individually. Over this series, I’m going to take one mystery at a time and share some of my own experiences and reflections which I hope will bring others to not only effectively pray the Rosary but also come to love it. May it become a source of hope and comfort as well as a constant reminder that Our Lady is holding onto us and longing for us to ask her for help on our journey to Heaven.
Published March 2021, Prince William County Catholic Magazine
by Jean Mondoro
Armed with the graces of the Christmas season, the St. Elizabeth Ann Seton parish family is now looking ahead to Lent and planning how to best serve the parishioners and continue growing in holiness.
“The Year of St. Joseph will be seamlessly woven into the regular flow of the liturgical year,” said Director of Youth and Young Adult Ministry Melissa Maleski.
Under the inspiration of honoring St. Joseph, the Family Religious Formation program will put their creative talents to work in early February as they write letters and draw pictures to show appreciation for Pastor Fr. Brian Bashista, Parochial Vicar Fr. Dort Bigg and Deacon Rob Warner. The Youth Ministry will also be thanking the clergy with a St. Joseph “Spiritual Fathers” dinner, set to be held in March.
Meanwhile, the men’s program “That Man is You” has begun a nine-week spiritual “Novena to Nazareth” to take them through the Lenten season.
“From this journey,” said Erick Kasisky, a member of the “That Man is You” core team,. “the men of the parish hope to better understand the times in which the Holy Family lived and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit so they can bring that message to the needs of our current culture.”
The Saturday stewardship event, taking place during this year’s Lenten Ember Days on February 27th, will be spent preparing care packages for Bishop Burbidge and all priests and seminarians in the diocese. These gifts, consisting of spiritual bouquets and other treats, will be given as a celebration of current as well as future spiritual fathers. As another Lenten initiative, the Human Concerns Outreach Ministry will host a parish-wide Lenten Giving Mercy Trees fundraiser, which will aid the Mother of Mercy Free Medical Clinics in Woodbridge and Manassas. This organization’s mission is to serve both the uninsured and under-insured members of Prince William county with medical needs. All funds which are raised through this campaign will be given as a donation to the clinics to purchase necessary medical supplies.
The St. Elizabeth Ann Seton family is keeping busy as they pull together a calendar filled with events and activities to prepare before and during the Lenten season while also intentionally incorporating the theme of the Year of St. Joseph in their service to others. “As the year goes on,” said Maleski, “our parish will continue to find ways, both big and small, to honor and contemplate the strong and silent witness of Jesus’ foster father.”
Jean mondoro 